Small, Simple Things
Something funny I realized the other day and I thought I would share this little nugget with you. I was struggling with my manual can opener, because they just don’t make those things like they used too. It seems that they rust over and just get stuck after a few months.
I thought to myself, “Wow I can finally get an electric can opener!” Now, you may think this is silly or even strange. But my ex-husband did not like “those things,” therefore I have never owned one. Then I realized, I have no idea HOW TO USE ONE! Which is probably even stranger to the average adult in America. Yet, here I am!
I giggled to myself over the irony of this situation and the fact that I am 51 years old and I have no idea how to use an electric can opener. This is just a small example of what absolute control looks like in intimate relationships. During my marriage, I would have told you I did not want an electric can opener, even though I secretly did.
I now have the freedom to go and buy an electric can opener, but I still have to struggle over the decision. You would think it would be simple, an easy decision. But it is not, because not only am I battling the financial part of is this a want or a need? But I am battling an old enemy, one who has raised its old scared head once more.
The one that taught for years not to go against his wishes. The one that silenced me and told me I must always submit. The voice in my head that kept me sane and alive for decades. I must now battle that voice! Silence it once more and convince my subconscious mind that that voice is no longer needed in my life. I know that I am free, but parts of my body and subconsciousness have not yet accepted it. They still remember the consequences of disobedience. Even over something as simple as a can opener.
I still have not bought the can opener. I am still processing the options. Working through the necessity of whether or not it is actually needed. But the lesson, for those of you who never knew, that is what it is here to share. Yes, it is a small, simple thing, but small, simple things sometimes are huge.
You are treasured more than you can ever know by our Father!
~~Ana
