Feeling Treasured Blog

Category: Reflections

My thoughts and musings

  • Reflections

    Small, Simple Things

    Something funny I realized the other day and I thought I would share this little nugget with you. I was struggling with my manual can opener, because they just don’t make those things like they used too. It seems that they rust over and just get stuck after a few months. 

    I thought to myself, “Wow I can finally get an electric can opener!” Now, you may think this is silly or even strange. But my ex-husband did not like “those things,” therefore I have never owned one. Then I realized, I have no idea HOW TO USE ONE! Which is probably even stranger to the average adult in America. Yet, here I am!

    I giggled to myself over the irony of this situation and the fact that I am 51 years old and I have no idea how to use an electric can opener. This is just a small example of what absolute control looks like in intimate relationships. During my marriage, I would have told you I did not want an electric can opener, even though I secretly did. 

    I now have the freedom to go and buy an electric can opener, but I still have to struggle over the decision. You would think it would be simple, an easy decision. But it is not, because not only am I battling the financial part of is this a want or a need? But I am battling an old enemy, one who has raised its old scared head once more. 

    The one that taught for years not to go against his wishes. The one that silenced me and told me I must always submit. The voice in my head that kept me sane and alive for decades. I must now battle that voice! Silence it once more and convince my subconscious mind that that voice is no longer needed in my life. I know that I am free, but parts of my body and subconsciousness have not yet accepted it. They still remember the consequences of disobedience. Even over something as simple as a can opener.

    I still have not bought the can opener. I am still processing the options. Working through the necessity of whether or not it is actually needed. But the lesson, for those of you who never knew, that is what it is here to share. Yes, it is a small, simple thing, but small, simple things sometimes are huge. 

    You are treasured more than you can ever know by our Father!

    ~~Ana

  • Christmas Joy?

    I was sitting here trying to figure out when Christmas went from my favorite time of year to something I almost dreaded.

    How does that even happen? How does the happiest season, the season of peace on earth and goodwill towards man, become one of depression and anxiety?

    I was the person who put Christmas music on in September! I started shopping in January for the next Christmas! My kids never knew a lean Christmas because I was savvy and hit the clearance racks and sales all year long. Christmas cookies, crafts and a house overly decorated was what they grew up knowing.

    I went over the top every year to ensure they never missed the empty spot of where their dad should have been. He was no longer in the Navy, but he was never home either. Working as a salary manager for the nation’s largest realtor meant long days and no time off.

    I tried so hard to fill their days with love and Christmas memories. We loved baking cookies together and pumpkin bread. It is a family tradition my two oldest daughters have continued.

    I was not even going to put up a tree this year. I am now living alone for the first time in my life. I did not really see the point. I always thought it was sad when people didn’t decorate for Christmas, but the last few years, I have understood more and more. It has simply become another day of the year.

    After spending last Christmas night alone and almost every holiday alone last year, despite having all my kids close by. I have learned that holidays are not what they used to be to me anymore. The meaning and magic has left.

    Maybe it is the fact that I found out about most of his affairs at Christmas time. I just waited until after Christmas for confirmation. Or I simply outgrew the idea of romance and happy endings.

    One thing I know for sure, the lights, the tree, the gifts, the cookies, none of that are the reason we should even be celebrating Christmas.

    Christmas is about the birth of our Lord. This should be a time of holy reverence, not a jolly holiday. We should be remembering a King who came humbly to be born in a stable.

    When I think of His great gift of love and humble beginnings, I think I can maybe find a new reason to start to love Christmas again. Not a flashy, big showy Christmas like I always did before.

    But a small humble, Christmas. One filled more with love and appreciation of our Savior and less of gifts. One of quiet prayer and reflection and less credit cards. And maybe, just maybe I will find joy again too.

    ~~Ana

    My little Christmas Tree

    2025